Because Of You... by Kelly Clarkston And Shattered Again and Shattered by Tracye Prewitt
I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake, a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I watched you die
I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry
In the middle of the night
For the same damn thing
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid
Because of you
Because of you
ever get a dish of self doubt and guilt served to you.... by well meaning "I' m only telling you this for your own good" family! I get it alot mostly around the holidays .... had mine served up fresh and steaming warm today after my youngest son's recital (a day that should have been all smiles and button busting pride, for him, turned into a crushing one of "well.... yadda yadda yadda").... I should be used to it by now; but it still crushes me that no matter what I do .... it just never seems to be enough or good enough.... It just seems that well ..... I just am not good enough ... But after 40 years. I should know that I will never be the famous, rich, brainsurgeon, professional basketball star, who came up with a cure for cancer and the common cold, and have my own show on CNN, son they wanted. I just assume that I just won't ever quite measure up to the prebirth ideals they carved out in stone for me... I know one thing if I had known what they expected of me before I was born I probably wouldn't have come out of the womb. So I should be used to the little talks by now but ya know.... it always seems to catch me off guard and it is like being slapped in the face on a really cold day... it stings and hurts... But supposedly it is done only because they love me so much and I should appreciate it and understand and STUFF! Well I don't understand and I don't appreciate it at all ... If I could have just one Christmas wish I mean all I really want for Christmas is peace... not on Earth but in Lexington and Kosciusko when I am with the people I love the most (who supposedly love me) who seem to have a problem with who I became! That is all just one Christmas filled with JOY and LOVE .... like the ones I remember when I was little .... like the ones shared on Nannie's hill when I was too trusting and niave to understand what was really going on around me! I wish I could be accepted for who I am; cellulite and all.... Thank God for my boys all three (Jay, Josh, Nathan) of them... I think they love me for me (or at least the person I strive to be).... They keep me sane.They are the only reasons I still believe in the magic of love and Christmas... All I ask of my bloggers is please accept your children for who they are not what you envisioned them to be; love their loves; they might not be who you would have chosen for them but ya know they are who they chose and if you raised them right they are probably a good judge of character; respect their lives and the decisions they make ... if they make mistakes more than likely they will correct or at least learn from them .... belittling them will not help and in the end probably cause a boat load of stress, apprehention, self doubt and sometimes self loathing.. all very distructive attributes you should not wish on your worst enemy much less your child ... so please guide your child when they are young in the way they should go but if they depart from the path please don't make the detour painful, hurtful, and destructive..... Thanks for letting me vent... we will go back to our regularly scheduled Christmas programing now!
Shattered Again
A Poem
By Tracye Prewitt / 2005
Christmas time is here again
Time for family and friends?????
A time of joy and lights aglow
But into our home for what seems an eternity
Christmas woe comes wandering!
Someone has not lived up to expectations
So down come the Christmas declarations….
The gifts under our tree do not quite measure up you see…
The dinner took too much work for all of us ungrateful jerks…
The tears and accusations fly like snowflakes in a winter sky.
Some cheated, someone lied, someone didn’t at “her” feet abide.
Funny but everywhere else in the nation people hurry home with adulation and exhilaration…
I only feel stress, dread, and abhoration
For the storm I know is brewing….
All year “her” anger and resentment has been stewing….
I wish I was again about three … and still lost in the wonder of our tree
I didn’t know all the bother… all the trouble and tears behind the wonder
Santa and Nannie loved me then
And I was not the villain…
But when we grow up things change…. No matter how we hate it they… CHANGE…
So it’s off to home I go and await the annual trashing I dread so!
It will leave me shattered and broken
Like a Christmas ornament broken
Christmas wonder, Christmas magic… lost forever????
But at least we’ll be TOGETHER!!!!!
Shattered
A Poem
By Tracye Prewitt 1980
Shattered hope is reflected in a broken Christmas ball
Hope is in all Christmas things, ornaments that sparkle and bells that ring
Once these are gone… hope will go.
Once these are lost… hope is lost.
Sparkle and shine; hope and courage…
Shattered and crushed; lost hope and false courage.
Shattered Christmas ball; shattered hope
Oh! shattered hope reflected in that shattered ball.
Shattered hope is reflected in a broken Christmas ball.
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake, a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I watched you die
I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry
In the middle of the night
For the same damn thing
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid
Because of you
Because of you
ever get a dish of self doubt and guilt served to you.... by well meaning "I' m only telling you this for your own good" family! I get it alot mostly around the holidays .... had mine served up fresh and steaming warm today after my youngest son's recital (a day that should have been all smiles and button busting pride, for him, turned into a crushing one of "well.... yadda yadda yadda").... I should be used to it by now; but it still crushes me that no matter what I do .... it just never seems to be enough or good enough.... It just seems that well ..... I just am not good enough ... But after 40 years. I should know that I will never be the famous, rich, brainsurgeon, professional basketball star, who came up with a cure for cancer and the common cold, and have my own show on CNN, son they wanted. I just assume that I just won't ever quite measure up to the prebirth ideals they carved out in stone for me... I know one thing if I had known what they expected of me before I was born I probably wouldn't have come out of the womb. So I should be used to the little talks by now but ya know.... it always seems to catch me off guard and it is like being slapped in the face on a really cold day... it stings and hurts... But supposedly it is done only because they love me so much and I should appreciate it and understand and STUFF! Well I don't understand and I don't appreciate it at all ... If I could have just one Christmas wish I mean all I really want for Christmas is peace... not on Earth but in Lexington and Kosciusko when I am with the people I love the most (who supposedly love me) who seem to have a problem with who I became! That is all just one Christmas filled with JOY and LOVE .... like the ones I remember when I was little .... like the ones shared on Nannie's hill when I was too trusting and niave to understand what was really going on around me! I wish I could be accepted for who I am; cellulite and all.... Thank God for my boys all three (Jay, Josh, Nathan) of them... I think they love me for me (or at least the person I strive to be).... They keep me sane.They are the only reasons I still believe in the magic of love and Christmas... All I ask of my bloggers is please accept your children for who they are not what you envisioned them to be; love their loves; they might not be who you would have chosen for them but ya know they are who they chose and if you raised them right they are probably a good judge of character; respect their lives and the decisions they make ... if they make mistakes more than likely they will correct or at least learn from them .... belittling them will not help and in the end probably cause a boat load of stress, apprehention, self doubt and sometimes self loathing.. all very distructive attributes you should not wish on your worst enemy much less your child ... so please guide your child when they are young in the way they should go but if they depart from the path please don't make the detour painful, hurtful, and destructive..... Thanks for letting me vent... we will go back to our regularly scheduled Christmas programing now!
Shattered Again
A Poem
By Tracye Prewitt / 2005
Christmas time is here again
Time for family and friends?????
A time of joy and lights aglow
But into our home for what seems an eternity
Christmas woe comes wandering!
Someone has not lived up to expectations
So down come the Christmas declarations….
The gifts under our tree do not quite measure up you see…
The dinner took too much work for all of us ungrateful jerks…
The tears and accusations fly like snowflakes in a winter sky.
Some cheated, someone lied, someone didn’t at “her” feet abide.
Funny but everywhere else in the nation people hurry home with adulation and exhilaration…
I only feel stress, dread, and abhoration
For the storm I know is brewing….
All year “her” anger and resentment has been stewing….
I wish I was again about three … and still lost in the wonder of our tree
I didn’t know all the bother… all the trouble and tears behind the wonder
Santa and Nannie loved me then
And I was not the villain…
But when we grow up things change…. No matter how we hate it they… CHANGE…
So it’s off to home I go and await the annual trashing I dread so!
It will leave me shattered and broken
Like a Christmas ornament broken
Christmas wonder, Christmas magic… lost forever????
But at least we’ll be TOGETHER!!!!!
Shattered
A Poem
By Tracye Prewitt 1980
Shattered hope is reflected in a broken Christmas ball
Hope is in all Christmas things, ornaments that sparkle and bells that ring
Once these are gone… hope will go.
Once these are lost… hope is lost.
Sparkle and shine; hope and courage…
Shattered and crushed; lost hope and false courage.
Shattered Christmas ball; shattered hope
Oh! shattered hope reflected in that shattered ball.
Shattered hope is reflected in a broken Christmas ball.
posted by Auntie Tracye @ 2:02 PM
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